In the midst of creeping worry and mounting grief—a moment of calm:
almost happiness, not epiphanic, simply present; and when I turned
my head to it, of course it left, but in leaving, left a warm shadow
and a pleasing shimmer that almost produced a tone, the kind one feels
the northern lights should make. I leaned in, then followed
its disappearing form, as if down a dark street within me, deep inside—
I want to say—for it took some breathing to arrive at a destination,
that, while rumoured, I hadn’t truly encountered; a terminus, the terms
of which I’d not fully undergone; an end, let’s say, without an end, which
presented as a dark stillness, that permits no entrance unless it enters you,
and isn’t there unless you expect it may be, which is not to say it’s imaginary,
instead, to see that it’s prior to you, and realer than one imagines;
for as I found myself standing there, or rather, being there,
I longed to call out some name: the thousand names of YHWH,
but couldn’t name one, and it mattered not, as I couldn’t stay,
and just as well, for now, compelled, I sent a word of care
to a family member who suffers, and checked on a friend
who has a weight on his heart, made an overdue call, wrote
a consoling email, also overdue; and now many names flooded in,
and I quietly and earnestly bowed, and prayed for them all,
and then for the millions I didn’t know, and all the while
it was though a power was going out of me.
Beautiful. Reminiscent of Donne.
Beautifully captivating. Felt like being carried by a river to read this.
Thank you, Laura, for those kind, encouraging, words
That’s far too high of praise, of course, but I deeply thank you, Tiffany.
I’m so glad you’re part of my world.
Ah, Susan, thank you for that, and it’s reciprocal.
I always read your poems through at least twice, this one thrice. I find your wanderings similar to how my meditations often go, an elusive mantra, and, for me, a yearning for the ‘dark stillness’ you describe.. Prayers flow easier from that place.
Thank you for sharing your inward journey with such subtlety. Your reflections helped to quiet my busyness.
I thoroughly appreciate that Kirk. You are an encouragement, to my writing, and too, as a fellow contemplative.
I feel nourished too
Life-nourished- like being nudged, hey you, open your eyes, yes, thats like it, now stay for a moment
Wonderful, thank you for this, Nina.
You speak of things that we experience in ways that are so hard to articulate . and condense them into something so utterly beautiful . thank you for the resonance
You humble me, Ananda. I’m deeply grateful. (I always look forward to reading your own articulate wisdom.)
Such a beautiful depiction of how He draws us. Thank you!
Thank you, Marcia.
Dear Stephen I’ve come back to this exquisite confession a dozen times.
It always makes me shed quiet tears.
“… to see that it’s prior to you, and realer than one imagines;”
and how the BEING OF IT brings a compulsion to care, oh yes.
Thank you, bless you.
Miriam, your words are kind and bless my heart. Thank you for your attentive reading. It means so much.
Thanks for this, Steve –
“… or now, compelled, I sent a word of care…”
the heart of the matter….
Right you are. Thanks, Sam.