(Alternative title: It’s summer, but some of us need therapy)
Having spent this much time inside the bubble of ourselves,
given aperitifs of news through slots in our cells,
the mind’s gone mercenary
and the belly’s backed up with worry.
Those in the fold say, “It’s a test of faith!”
Others say, “It’s Nietzsche’s mad parable!”
Still others say, “Eat your chicken paprika
and forget your exercise regime;
drink your frozen daiquiris
and forget your laundry, your legacy, your eventuality;
for the longer the life the lonelier;
the nearer the mirror the darker.”
As for me,
I still do my stretches
and send out prayers.
(I’m told they’ve arrived, but have been put on hold.)
Tell me counsellor,
what is a human?
what is the soul?
what is spirit?
where’s the heart?
where shall I point this tumbling longing?
My neighbour builds additions to his manor
and spends his evenings looking over the fence.
A cousin posts God on the internet
and supports the man holding up a bible.
In the end, my aunt and her opinions
gentled into happy dementia,
like it was a fresh start.
Me, I wield my self-help tools, yet
the beast in me is blessed — I meditate
until the melt of me couldn’t fill a thimble, and still,
this idling engine of apprehension.
But I remember boyhood summers
dreaming on the porch steps,
with my collie Chico,
watching the chickens giving themselves dust baths
beside the grain bins
and feeling entirely lovable.
perfect
Oh thank you Adela!
What a good feeling is that lovable one.
I, too, feel that “idling engine of apprehension” right in my centre. I am keeping my eyes, ears, and heart open for evidences of love and sending some to you. Thanks for sending yours.
Thank you for this Wenda, and thank you for sending some love.
Sigh.
That was a good sigh.
Thanks Joyce!
It is so interesting to hear how different people are responding to/dealing with our current global dilemma. At times, I feel guilty for being an introvert with a lovely farm to shelter at – being with family, baking and gardening, and working safely via technology. But my wanderlust is evident. I long for a trip to the Great Lakes region to see family and friends, the sounds of the rainforest, or just something to look forward to. I also worry about my friends in other (developing) countries whose livelihoods depend on tourism. We chat online and they are optimistic, even as they tell stories of children going hungry and of businesses closing for good. The “idling engine of apprehension” is a perfect description, but for me, reminiscing about childhood summers seems to deepen the longing.
So true Dianne. While there may be a calming of the psyche, It does deepen the longing… Thank you as always for your insight.
So very much wonderful contained,
just here.
A balm to weary souls.
Thank you Stephen.
So grateful for this response Tamara! Thank you!