The Yellow Line

iceberg

While surveying the North Saskatchewan’s last iceberg I turn to find this seagull contemplating a journey.

yellowlinegull

One consideration: A question lingers in his gullish mind. The question of whether or not to live by the Rule of the Yellow Line. A question that only recently rose to the surface after he noted a major, well, slight, difference in the appearance of the rings around the bills of his companions. The question now arises as to rank, class and jurisdiction.

gulls

The Rule of the Yellow Line is inexorable. Once the differences are manufactured true inherent commonality is lost and conflict is not merely possible but inevitable.

A second consideration: This journey is a gull’s version of the Yellow Brick Road, leading to the magical Emerald City, which we all know is Seattle.

A third consideration: What do gulls need with lines, yellow or otherwise?

Observations of Seagulls and Humans at a highway campground June 15, 1997:
On the ground, graceless,
Chattering, nattering over scraps of insignificance,
Defecating beside tents, hypnotized by traffic,
Discordant, dissonant, dumbfounded and dazed
But in the still air,
Soaring, sailing, diving, rising,
a ballet of gliding grace,
a symphony of symmetry,
In silence, we too soar upwards,
the path always new, seeming to make it up as we go,
No need of a map up here, its charted in our hearts.

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Grace Flows In

Last night was one of those times that made me proud to work for Edmonton’s Hope Mission. We held our Annual Spring Banquet, a fundraiser of sorts–the preparation for which has been shredding my days, exhibited by my lack of posting. Anyway, all the convention and propriety of your average Banquet was present. All the good-natured banter of a well run better-than-average banquet was also present. But what brought it all to life was the subsequent graduation ceremony.

hmlineup

A Hope Mission graduation is, as you might expect, of a different order. Of course there were the presentations, the certificates, the pins, and a kind of procession. However, the graduates themselves were a curious mix of ages and backgrounds–from desperate to privileged–and their achievements were of a different sort. There were six month grads, one year, and two year grads. The time they had been clean…clean of crack, crystal, alcohol, gambling…

Some of the guys ventured to talk about their recovery process. The phrase, "grace of God," was a sincere refrain. All attributed their success so far to a mixture of faith, earnest desire, a stable place, a structure, and most of all, connections with Chaplains, or councilors, or intake workers.

One moving moment was when one of our Chaplains read a letter he had received from a son of one of the one-year grads. The letter spoke of dark times, estranged times, but now, of hopeful times. The son praised his father for making it this far–for crawling "out of a hole so big." The father sat on the stage in buoyant silence. The letter ended, "I love you dad." The audience stood and applauded.

But for me the highlight was Andrew. Andrew, six-foot-four, 40 or 50–hard to tell, snappy black suit, head shaved clean as a whip, comfortable in his kit, comfortable behind a mike and with a perpetual smile. He talked about how he never really had a problem with booze, never got into it, ’cause it interfered with his drug habit. He talked about a long stretch of spending thousands a week, then, finally becoming the guy who hung around food courts looking for scraps. By then, as Andrew put it, he was a "picturesque 145 pounds." Slumping about the downtown malls, lurching about the streets, months away from a bath and even farther from clean clothes. He was the guy you avoided.

Mercy still operates. Andrew made it through our six-month "Break Out" addictions program. That was over four years ago. And for the past two years he’s been working at our men’s shelter as an intake worker. That, and running five or more AA or NA meetings a week. Grace flows in.

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Starbucks Log: Monday Beauty

Monday morning’s should never be this bright. All baptized and beautiful. They’re too easy to betray with our Monday morning shoulders-up-to-our-ears attitude.

But here it is. A Monday dressed in bright yellow lace. A rare Spring sun melting more of the ice still caught in my joints. And air that wants to move right to the bottom of your lungs.

But all this was lost on Dan this morning. Dan has pan-handled the local Starbucks’ for more than a year. And so I have a breezy conversational friendship with him.

He’s young, twenties maybe. Shuns shelters, preferring to always sleep outside–whatever the weather–he tells me. I believe him. Dirt has worked far into all his creases. Hands, face, neck anything exposed.

Able-bodied, eyes showing intelligence, he’s one of those who should be, could be, you’d think, raised up. But there is something severely wrong with his heart. His heart is not able-bodied and his intelligence is not enabled. And beauty has skipped over him.

This morning when Dan saw me coming he smiled and said, "Dare I ask?" I told him sorry. He had caught me empty-pocketed today. I asked him how the day was, hoping to translate some of the soft early light. He said he’d seen better. I said, "But you’ve seen worse." He said, "No not really." The brightness of the day not merely lost but mocking. Not even a reference for better or worse.

I’m sad for Dan. I’ll keep talking to him. And pick up after him. And give him money and even offer some direction, as I’ve done. It’s the least I can do when I feel this much beauty on a Monday.

But maybe I was set up to see. Yesterday, while walking under a blanket of grey cloud, I found this message scribbled on a sidewalk:

You are beautiful

And I believed it. I believed this message, for me and you.

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Starbuck’s Log: Boundary Issues

It’s unnerving to have someone who lives on the surface sit at a table next to you in a place like Starbucks. These people engage others around them with the first thought that comes into their heads. They have boundary issues.

fence

She was a middle aged lady, blue coat and matching blue backpack. She sat down at the next table and searched me with something just this side of a stare. It didn’t matter that I tried poker-facing a non-acknowledgment.

She asked, "So, is it a good morning?" "You off to work?" She had a strong voice that carried above Dianna Ross. I sputtered through my raised coffee, "Ah, yes, just a coffee before I go."

"The coffee is good," she said, inhaling a thin stream from her lidless paper cup.

Then, adjusting her black wool cap, leaving her pack at the table, she stepped outside, leaned against a window, lit a cigarette and took three drags. And just like that stepped back inside.

A man in a black business suit had settled into a chair. He was across the aisle. The lady said, "You look nice, all dressed up. What do you do for a living?" The man, struggling to recover, gazed past the lady and mumbled inaudibly.

Another man with a laptop walked by furtively scanning for power outlets. The lady noticed and enthusiastically offered her spot. He declined saying he could manage.

And so it went…her curiosity and enthusiasm breathing down our necks, her presence writ large, projected above our walls, her simple energy ravaging our layers forcing us to redraw our lines until she finished her coffee and left.

We all breathed a little easier and got to mending our fences.

She has boundary issues.

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