Backrooms of the heart

We can be redeemed only to the extent to which we see ourselves.  -Martin Buber

And that’s the problem.
Who goes looking through the backrooms of their hearts these days?
Who even speaks of those dark interiors?

Well, not me.
Yesterday, for example, I followed Christ through the house,
room to room,
turning off every light he switched on.
Steering him away from the hatch door to the crawl space
where I keep all those boxes that wait,
     never to be opened.

I’m not saying it’s hopeless.
Most of us, me included, keep a floor lamp on.
Enough to be sociable.
Just enough incandescence to keep from some incriminating slip.
Enough to keep the little criminal in the crypt,
     stop the homunculus corpse from rising to its nightly riot.

Scorning (and admiring) from a distance,
the few bright lights that walk out to the edge of town
     and disappear.
Hearing scraps of sound coming back through the fog:
low moans and gasps,
dropped keys and running feet,
and growing faint, more felt than heard:
a shout, a yawp, a blast of belly-laugh,
trumpet, harp, timbrel, cymbal,
a hegemony of harmony,
     and singing…is that singing?
Waiting for one or two to return,
     but they never do.

12 Comments

  1. I love these lines! As one who also wrestles with the inner places that Jesus wants to bring into the light, and as one who attends others in and on their spiritual journeys, I’ve come to believe that Jesus waits for us to name our need…our true, deep, sometimes-self-perceived-as-shameful, need. And then, when we recognize and acknowledge it as an undeniable part of our self, He joyfully steps into the process of healing and setting us free…redeeming us, in other words 🙂 Thank you, Stephen!

  2. I spend a lot of time helping others explore their backrooms. We find not just little criminals, but often overlooked, ignored, or obscured heroes. And we find that the lighting, at the right level, is critical to what we can find.

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